Sadness but clarity.
Someone once told me loving someone who does not love you back is like cuddling a cactus:- the more you hang on the more it hurts you. At the time I didn’t believe it but the proof of the pudding is in the eating as they say.
It’s been a month now since Shell has been in touch & I’ve finally got the message she does not want anything from me. And whilst it has been a painful time I’m now on the road to recovery. The “spark” of love for her has faded & what I felt for her has subsided to the point that it no longer hurts to think that she doesn’t want to know me. I never thought that was possible.
She once told me how gutted she was when she sent flowers to her soulmate with whom she broke up long ago when he did not respond at all. After I sent Shell Birthday presents in January at least she told me how much she appreciated them & told me for the first time that she loved me.
When I sent her roses for Valentines Day she never failed to tell me many many times how she felt about them & thanked me endlessly – it made me feel so good.
But that was just a prelude to the silence from her since then. It feels so cold out here now but at least I can handle that now.
I loved her an awful lot in a short time but she has crushed those feelings out of me now.
It’s so strange – this affair began as a result of my Wife’s total indifference to my sexual needs & her nagging & constant arguments. But in the past year there’s been subtle changes in Sue’s attitude toward me. From the relaxing on my not doing everything she asks right then & there (nowadays I get away with things for weeks & months). To her actually avoiding a confrontation with me & telling me not to cause a fight…. She has even suggested buying me a motorcycle with the holiday savings money!!! Unbelievable.
Maybe she loves me but not sexually. More likely is that she suspects or even knows I am unhappy with our situation & about the affair.
One thing’s for sure. The sex drought over the past 3 years between me & Sue will continue unabated & I don’t know how much longer I can take that….just makes that brief fling with Shell all the more memorable & the yearning for more sex with her uncontrollable…. I don’t think I will ever totally stop loving Shell.
Maybe Shell & I should take our “relationship” to a different level.
Friends with benefits but no strings attached .???