Christmas Eve – everyone working & home alone all day. Then all hell let’s loose when family comes home. Could have done with going to see Shell & just chatting with someone who would listen. But after initially contacting her I realised she would have a lot on her plate & told her to get on with her Christmas.
Left it till Boxing Day before texting her & she told me she’d had the worst Christmas ever but didn’t want to talk about it. Come 11.30pm I get a text from her “I want to die”. She’s seriously suicidal but refused to talk about it. I was gonna drive to hers (despite having been drinking) because I was so worried but she told me to stay away.
After a lot of texting she said she needed to ask a few things of me saying that things had caught up with her. Obviously money problems. After backtracking on that request & a lot more texting getting nowhere she then told me she was fine (I didn’t believe a word) but she promised me she wouldn’t do anything silly that night.
The following day she seemed a lot better with her parents being there but backtracked again on wanting to see me & said it was a bad idea & didn’t want to talk about it. I said I’d wait for her to text me when she was ready.
That was Boxing Day (last Monday). It’s now Friday & I’m sick with worry. After having told me I was the closest person she could trust she suddenly cuts off all contact. That doesn’t say much about what she thinks of our friendship or any concern for my feelings. Friends just do not do that especially close ones.
Tried a Facebook stalk & she’s nowhere to be seen (but she does not much use FB anyway). What I did find was an unwelcome kick in the face. A recent FB friend of hers has been showing considerable interest in her & reading between the lines of his responses he is much closer to her than I could ever be…
He’s young free & single so I have no chance of competing so she’s probably been confiding her problems with him instead. That would explain her leaving me worried sick about her health & welfare & green with jealousy.
I shouldn’t feel this way. I have no say in who she sees & definitely no right to be jealous because we are not an item (she’s always made that very clear to me). But I do still love her deeply I’m such an old fool.
I’m beginning to doubt whether the “you’re my closest friend” line is just that – a line & nothing more…