Another sleepless night….

After all the troubles with her mobile, Shell was finally able to start texting me again at the end of November. She told me she had a huge day ahead & couldn’t tell me why.

Turns out her working life will be turned upside down again in the New Year with her team having been bought out by another company. To top it all she has to move her place of work some 15 miles away. Just what she needs – not.

She thinks she cannot cut it in her new environment but I know she’s a fighter & will revel in it. I told her so too. I think she’s had enough of all the hard ball cut throat stuff that will obviously accompany her new role but she’s still in a job (& with two young kids that’s all that matters now).

I tried to meet her during my works night out last Friday but she had too much on. And was trying to meet up with her any other way since but with it being Christmas she has two Friday nights out in a row this December – one for her new company followed by one with her existing company, both of them involving a stay-over in a hotel & she cannot let either of them down.

December has seen a subtle change in her texts. Becoming increasingly dotted with kisses at the end (a sign of affection yes?) & slowly but surely showing signs of warmth & care towards me. Was I imagining it?

I took a chance & told her I’d really like to see her someday as a friend – told her I’d like to spend some time with her having a bottle of wine & she told me she’d actually not mind doing that with me!

I was buying a DVD at Tesco when I asked her if she fancied a bottle of red like old times & she responded saying I could have watched the DVD with her on her sofa if she hadn’t got the kids that night. I was blown away.  I actually missed her text inviting me to lunch at hers one Saturday I was so shocked with what was happening.

Then the hammerblow – she was going shopping on Sunday & invited me to meet up with her there. If it hadn’t been such short notice with me doing some shopping with family I’d have jumped at it. She sounded disappointed at my turning her down…

Then there was yesterday 7th December we had the best & longest texting session since we’d been an item in April. She said if we won the lottery we’d go on holiday (I automatically assumed she meant her & the kids but she said she meant her & I). My mind was getting confused.

I offered to meet her the Saturday after her night out but she couldn’t but she agreed we could go out one night to the flicks (as friends of course). Real progress – with texts dotted with kisses.

I told her she’s a girl in a million & that I’d be so jealous (but happy for her) when she finds her soulmate. To which she replied she’s dedicated herself to celibacy & banned any romance to give herself to God in return for what he’s done for her in her hour of need.

I said I didn’t understand her well enough & she pledged I will know her & she will ALWAYS ALWAYS be my friend.

I told her I have always wanted her to myself but I’ve realised she doesn’t want that & I’m so happy our friendship is back on track. Confusing me again she said “let me show u something in the New Year”. I dared not ask her what…

I told her all I really know for sure is how I feel about her & that those feelings are still very strong but I can wise up to her wanting to be just friends with her help. To which she said “you need to see beyond what you see”. Does that mean she still has feelings beyond friendship for me?

She offered for me to meet her at the hotel after her do tomorrow night & she would offer me just cuddles all night until Saturday morning but the last time we did that in April it went so much further than cuddles (after we both lost control of our feelings).

I am so sure that will happen again if we meet. But it’s the night of my own Works Christmas do & it would be impossible to spend the whole night away from home for no good reason without raising big suspicions.

Does she want what I want? A night together in bed without the need for sexual intercourse?

From experience I already know she is very highly sexed & that she has needs & desires as strong as mine for her. And without doubt it would be impossible for me to keep my hands off her naked body if we were cuddling all night as she’d offered. Surely she wants sex again too?

There’s no way we could spend the whole night cuddling each other “as friends”….I just don’t have that kind of self-control.

I want so much to go to her tomorrow night…I just can’t think of a convincing enough reason to allow me to spend the whole night away from my family.

This is gonna be another sleepless night…


About kestrel1960

I love women & cars. In that order.
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