Realisation dawns on me

Yesterday’s blog mentioned Shell’s disregard to my texts & now I know the reason why.
At 10pm after what seemed like an age she admitted she had sent an expensive bouquet of red roses to her Ex for his Birthday & he had not even bothered acknowledging this gift.
She said she still loves him.
I told her he doesn’t deserve her love. I don’t deserve it either but I tried hard to get her love.
It’s never gonna happen. I was just in the right place when she wanted some physical loving & it was never anything more than that. She doesn’t want anything more. Not from me anyway.
Basically she told me I have Sue & I don’t have her. At least she finally told me how she feels about me.
Doesn’t make the hurting any better. I’m at my lowest ebb now.
I love Shell but she loves another. Ever felt totally alone? Yep that’s me now.
No more chasing her. After all what would it achieve?
Next stage is me n Sue. I’m sure we are gonna split sooner or later but I don’t wanna hurt her.
Next year is 25 years together. I must give her that. My parents were together 25 years too before they parted. Undoubtedly history is gonna repeat itself.
I need my own space now. I need my own life without commitment.
Maybe that’s selfish of me but it’s better than living a false life & giving Sue false ideas.

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About kestrel1960

I love women & cars. In that order.
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